


I'll Protect You

by Canyousensethesarcasm



Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-26
Updated: 2017-01-26
Packaged: 2018-09-20 00:10:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9466784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Canyousensethesarcasm/pseuds/Canyousensethesarcasm
Summary: A Nessian fic going through different stages of their life (but it’s really just three) where they say “I’ll protect you” a lot. Mildly happy.





	

Sometimes she wakes up and she doesn’t remember the room she’s in or the body she inhabits. She can barely remember the sound of her voice, only the hoarse screaming as she watches her sister succumb to the darkness. Even as Nesta tries to even her breathing, her heart races on, refusing to calm until she’s feels every worry that’s buried beneath her consciousness.

Sometimes even if she can hear the yells in the distance, she’s the one who’s screaming. She catches herself, holds her breath, and wills the universe to turn a blind eye on her momentary weakness. But even the shadows scare her, promising to always watch even in the dead of night. Little warriors made to torment her every sleep.

But tonight, is different. Despite the renewed strength of her body, despite the power she possesses, Nesta still feels like a little girl hiding beneath covers. She doesn’t hear herself cry, doesn’t feel the tremors that rock her unsteady body. All she hears is the echoing wail of her sisters, of her friends, of her family.  It reminds her that even if she’s lost her freedom, they can still take her heart.

She clasps her arms around her knees, rocking herself back and forth. Her heart still races and her eyes clamp in agony. She tries her hardest to forget, tries to squeeze it out of her mind by the clenching of her fists, but she can still hear the screaming, she can still feel the pain. It takes her a while to realize that the noise is coming from her.

So much like the other times, except she doesn’t stop, she doesn’t try to hide her wails. She can’t stop if she wanted to. The torment demands to be noticed, to be put on display, to be loved. The darkness is her enemy. As many candles as she lights, it crawls toward her like an army of spiders itching for a taste of sweet flesh. It corners her until all she has left is the dull throb of her chest.

It’s only when strong arms surround her, swaddling her in warmth, that Nesta notices the door cleaved open. Exposing her for the world to see. The smell of crackling embers calms her nerves, relaxes her weary body. Cassian hushes her, patting her hair and rubbing her back until her cries turn into hiccups. The warmth of him, like a blanket, comforts her.

Nesta holds on to him, doesn’t dare unclench her fists from his shirt. She can’t let go, not when the very floor before her is an endless sea of abandonment and deprivation. She puts her arms around his neck and holds on for dear life. Cassian’s arms tighten around her.

“Don’t worry,” he promises as he holds her. “I’ll protect you.”

And even though the darkness still enshrouds her, even if the shadows vow to destroy her, the moon shining from her window whispers a lullaby she has heard only in her dreams. Nesta can’t help but feel safe as the song pulls her to oblivion.

* * *

 

His vision blurs and all he sees is red. He can’t tell if it’s the fury or the fire that has his blood boiling. Every soldier they have in their procession is fighting for their lives. Even if it’s a war they knew was inevitable, out here on the battle field, it’s only lives that end. And Cassian has many he cares about.

The warrior in him unleashes like a wolf ready to hunt. He is always ready. The adrenaline courses through his veins, and aims, pierces, and prods with the weapons in his vicinity. It is life or death, and Cassian doesn’t want to die. He doesn’t want anyone to die.

Except he knows that belief is impossible. As impossible as the war ending peacefully. No one fights so hard to lose. He is made of muscle and will, and he will win this war. For his family, for his people, for the light he sees in the distant future. Cassian has everything to lose.

So he fights. Claws his way across pavement and dirt. He will not give up, he cannot give up. He cannot give in. But even he admits this war is worse than he’s ever seen before. The enemies outnumber them, outrank them, they have powers he has not mastered. Even with their prowess, they are at a disadvantage.

It doesn’t help that, like a ghost that haunts him, his wings feel the pain. It’s memorized in the leather of his skin. The scratches, the tears. He remembers the thought, the loss, the agony. Without his wings, he is nothing. Without his family, he is empty. Cassian hopes he doesn’t have to make that choice, but he knows which one he’d choose.

He hears the clashing of swords, before he realizes he’s made a terrible mistake. A blow that would have landed straight down his back. A wound that would have killed him at best, or took his wings. He catches his breath, and tries to steady his breathing. He trembles, in spite of it.  

He looks up, looks at his savior, and he sees her. She’s a wicked sin, a weapon painted in leather, sweat, and strength. Nesta resembles every bit of the angel he sees in his dreams and every bit of the vixen he sees in his fantasies. Her eyes, storm clouds on the brink of an outpour, hold his own. He doesn’t dare look away.

“Don’t worry” She promises, “I’ll protect you.”

And even in the middle of a war, even if blood and sweat coat their bodies like armor, his beating heart pounds to a rhythm he has only heard in his dreams. Cassian can’t help but feel the assurance as he sees the tilt of Nesta’s lips. The light brightens and refuses to dim.

* * *

 

The shrieking awakes her nerves for an entirely different reason than the nightmares that used to plague her thoughts. The wailing has her heart pumping and her pulse raising, but instead of dread, a sense of wonder fills her chest and she yearns to hear more of it. Her whole-body thrums at the sound.

She’s tiny. Small, bundled in her midnight blue blanket, a gift from the Night Court, a gift from their friends. Her wings peak out from beneath the fabric, and they both smile at their little girl. Her lungs are strong, and they whisper their thanks to every being who made the stars dance and their daughter cry.

Small and strong, just like her mother. Although, she may resemble Nesta in that respect, she’s all Cassian, hair, nose, and lips. Except for her eyes, she has _her_ eyes. A stormy blue that holds a fire that the world cannot contain. It couldn’t contain hers.

Cassian’s fingers gently glide along her skin, and she yawns. Cassian laughs, a bright sound that could have made the flowers sing. He loves his little girl, there was never a doubt. He looks at Nesta, shakes his head and his face conveys every bit of the joy he feels. He kisses her, on her lips, on her forehead, on every side of her face. If the world cannot contain their fire, then he cannot contain his love.

Cassian, lying next her, pushes her hair out of her eyes. He looks as if he has seen sunshine and stardust. His forehead touches her own, and his nose nuzzles hers. His smile is unwavering, and his presence eases her body into a quiet rest. They both gaze fondly at the dream Nesta holds in her arms.

“Don’t worry.” They sing in unison, as Nesta holds the baby, and Cassian holds her. They look at each other as they repeat the words that have offered them solace in their darkest times and their deepest places. “We’ll protect you.”

And even though no one can hear as the words utter from their lips, even if fate and future beg to differ, the Earth trembles at the conviction and strength in their voices. They can’t help but smile, for all the dreams that came true, and all those that didn’t. Because when they look at each other, at the family they created, all they see is love.

**Author's Note:**

> I’m slowly finishing all the fics I started but never finished. Bc tbh, they’re all almost done. Super procrastinator here. School started so less writing, but maybe more writing. again.^^^^. I’m gonna try to finish them all before acowar comes out so wish be luck! 
> 
> Also, tell me what you think! I hope you enjoyed it. It definitely wasn’t as sad. so. there is that.


End file.
